New mum? Why connection is so important

I’ve just completed my online baby massage call with 4 beautiful mothers. They’re all going through a similar experience, albeit it at different stages, and it has really reinforced echoed why I do what I do.

I feel so passionate around creating a space for mothers to connect. 

When I was pregnant with my eldest son, 9 years ago, I didn’t join any NCT classes or any other similar groups. I was pregnant, in our own little bubble with my husband and bump. I didn’t feel the need: I had my friends, and despite them being all over the country I felt I had connection. 

When my son was born I knew it would be a life-changing experience, but honestly I don’t think I fully appreciated how much. 

For me it was the sudden change from being me, Siobhan, to becoming ‘Samson’s Mum’. When I met new mums who didn’t know me, the conversation was naturally all about our shared subject: our newborns. It was all about Samson and I felt I had lost my identity.

I went to baby groups wanting, hoping, to make friends, but either the classes were all about baby, so as soon as the session was over everyone left and went their own way, or the mothers who had formed friends during pregnancy went off for a coffee in their little clique.

I would try and chat very briefly to other mums in the baby classes I went to, in hope of making friends. We would exchange a few words between baby songs and actions, but not enough to create a connection. I would then see them outside of the class, wave or say ‘hello’ quietly for fear of them not recognising me, so more often than not they wouldn’t respond, probably because they simply hadn’t seen or heard me!

It became a bit of a joke with my husband, who would tease me saying, “Are you trying to make friends?” In truth, yes I was, I was desperate for a local friend, but not just a friend because we had a baby, but a friend who I felt connected to. These friends lived down south. 

This is not my sob story and in time, yes, I made friendships and I’m very grateful for the support network of friends I have now. They are amazing. But at the time when I really wanted that close friend who I could share what I was feeling, it felt lonely and it felt hard.

As I have come to learn when you share how you are feeling with others, more often than not they will be feeling the same, so once you know you are not on your own, it helps massively. I always remind my mothers of this.

Building a community of mothers

When I started teaching my baby massage classes, yes the focus was on the baby massage, but more importantly I wanted to create a space for first-time, second-time and third-time mothers to come and meet other mothers (of course dads are welcome too).

So when scheduling the class I made sure the session had time for baby massage and then equal time for the group to chat and get to know each other. I know how tiredness and hormones can affect how we feel, so I wanted a space for mothers to find support, friendship and kindness in each other. 

It makes my heart sing to hear how many of my groups have gone on to form long-term friendships. One group even named themselves the Effleurage Mums!

This morning a mother from nearly 2 years ago has joined the group with her second little one. The connection and energy on the call was gorgeous. I am so grateful to be able to witness it and to know I have helped this connection to happen. My baby massage classes are more than just massage: they’re about friendship, nurture, love and connection. 

Interested in joining our baby massage classes?